A few weeks ago, I was with a good friend who has been married TO THE SAME PERSON for almost thirty years. As jaded and cynical as I am at times, I love hearing the “How We Met” stories and seeing how some of their faces still light up when they talk about their first encounter. And if you really want to know how to keep me quiet and listening? Make said couple high school or college sweethearts.
I will absolutely melt into a puddle of hearts and harp emojis.
I asked my friend if she had any relationship advice since out of all my friends, she’s been married the longest. She’s very blunt and aggressive, and I sometimes wonder how her husband deals with her personality which would be best described as a pitbull in heat. (Wearing lipstick, of course.)
“Don’t kill him. That’s always a start for a long relationship.”
I write that down: “Don’t Kill The Boyfriend.”
Then she says something that makes absolute sense…but I have never heard anyone say it. Her advice was this: “Give each other kudos. All the time. Build that fucker up and he should be building your ass up.”
I write this down: “Build that fucker up.”
She explains that couples should never give up an opportunity to tell each other how awesome they are, whether it be in their behavior or in their looks.
“PRAISE the hell out of your man,” she says. “Don’t hold it in. Give that man all the fucking prompts, praise him like you’re a deacon in a Baptist Church on Sunday morning.”
For example, if your husband has taken time out to do something like help friends move, tell him how you appreciate his taking time out of his day to do something for others.
Also, and this is SO RANDOM,* there was that one time, your boyfriend came home with a snow shovel and placemats for the arctic entry AND the back door ON HIS OWN without any prompting. And you were so impressed that you really wanted to do some things to him. Good things…although said things may not necessarly be legal in some states…but, er, nevermind all that.
That shovel and placemats he brought home? Same league as if he would have brought home flowers. Lilacs. And a little gift that you’d pass on to your great-grandchildren because the sentiment was that special…
But I digress.
Your words, your actions and your attitude are YOURS and no one has any control over it but you. We can’t change anyone, especially our better half, but what we can do is:
Change the narrative of our description of our partners and our relationships.
Whilst my friend’s colorful verbiage may be a little too much for some, I appreciate her creative expletives when it comes to talking about love and relationships. It’s pretty simple and easy when you think about it: Do you want your partner to know how much you love and respect them? Then knock off the complaints and pointing out all the things they are doing wrong and simply:
“Build that fucker up.”
*Random in the sense it happened last night. The shovel and the placemats. Not the good things that may or may not be legal in most states…not last night, anyway.