For the last six weeks, The Boyfriend and I have done very little together, outside the usual couch sitting, counter eating, ‘stop wearing my socks, woman!’ activities that we’ve grown so fond of. I’m not exaggerating. He’s had hockey tournaments, snow machines to ride and IPA’s at the local brewery to consume.
I can’t compete with the allure of a freshly squeezed IPA and a bunch of a guys playing grab ass in a locker room after a hockey game.
Believe me, dear readers, I HAVE TRIED.
In all seriousness, this isn’t always a bad thing…we’ve reached a level of contentment. At least, I think it is contentment. It could be he’s just particularly fond of playing grab ass in the locker room after a hockey game.
Is it bad to admit that sometimes I get a little giddy when I know he’s going to be gone all day on his snow machine, because then guess what? I can do as little as humanly possible without feeling I need to explain myself. Not that he has ever said anything about my gift of being a depressing lethargic blob who is a hormonal mess. He’s been pretty understanding about it all. (Probably because of the freshly squeezed IPAs) I’m sure he appreciates that my being a depressed lethargic blob, he’s less likely to hear about all the things that rumble through my brain. (Which surprisingly…THERE’S A LOT OF STUFF RUMBLING AROUND IN THERE.) When I’m not a depressed lethargic blob, I have this incredible need to tell him everything that is in my brain in a very animated and entertaining way.
Usually I have this urge when he’s trying to sleep or in the middle of watching a movie.
Even with that said, we desperately need to cut out some time with each other…not just sitting on the couch watching a movie in which one or both of us fall asleep during. I’ve suggested several times we should find a hobby to do together. I can’t stress this enough…how important this is for couples. I spent my entire marriage trying to find things for my ex and I do together to no avail. We didn’t do anything together outside of the kids and I’m sure this attributed to the demise of the marriage. We didn’t make each other a priority and that’s always a paramount fear in my mind with The Boyfriend.
Making each other a Priority.
We don’t always make each other a priority and that makes me sad. I find myself thinking that we have all this time and we already live together so it should be easier, right?
No. Not necessarily.
So how do you make time for your significant other? How do you make it happen when one is a lethargic depressed blob who has all those Dexter episodes on Netflix to watch and the other has all those hockey games to play, IPAs to drink and snow machines to ride? (Can you tell which one of us is the fun one?)
First, the desire to spend time together must be there. Both have to WANT to make it happen or otherwise there’s already an issue in the relationship. If you do not want to spend time with your partner EVER then stop reading this now. Unless, of course, you want to see how many times I write about playing grab ass in the locker room after a hockey game. (Then please, by all means, keep reading.)
- Quality time is a myth. Life is busy (those asses aren’t gonna grab themselves, people!) and having one elaborate date for the sake of it being ‘quality’ isn’t a sign your relationship is a priority. Quantity time is just as important as quality time. What did the two of you do when you first started dating? Didn’t it feel as if all things to do together were limitless? Go back to that frame of mind…as if there was never enough time to do things together…
- Cultivate a hobby together. As written already, The Boyfriend and I do not have a hobby that we do together. I firmly believe your partner should be your best friend and friends enjoy spending time together. In the perfect world, your partner would have already have come into the relationship with the same hobbies you share. I don’t play hockey. I absolutely loathe the taste of an IPA and I don’t own a snow machine, mainly because snow is cold and I don’t like cold. So why would I want to ride around in it? (I’m a four-wheeler, Jack Daniels kind of girl.) The thing is we genuinely do like a lot of the same things and we both have a great time together. I have made a list of things I want to start doing with The Boyfriend and when he’s not so busy playing grab ass in the locker room after a hockey game, (YOU’RE WELCOME) he’ll be able to read it and maybe choose one…or several.
- Get your adventure on. Think outside of the box. Life is so short. Plan your own adventure together that is something only the two of you can do. Be daring. Skydiving, mountain climbing, etc. I used to be a huge thrill seeker and I’ve lost that piece of myself after having kids. I am trying to find her again and what better way to find her than with The Boyfriend?
- Write love letters. I know, I know, some guys are going to roll their eyes with this one, but hear me out. The art of writing letters is all but lost today, but it doesn’t have to be in your relationship. It’s romantic and in a lot of ways therapeutic. Putting your words on paper (not a text) is cementing your intentions to the universe and to the person you love.
- Set time for one another. Block out a day/night in the week that belongs to the two of you. That is YOUR time with each other, no matter what. I’m all about mandatory date night and The Boyfriend and I used to have one. It’s time to bring it back again. He blocks time out of his schedule for hockey which is important to him and I block time out to watch This is Us. We need to both block time out for one another. Period.
- Have sex. Regularly. Because it’s fun, duh. (And it burns a lot of calories.) And NO, it doesn’t count as the blocked time scheduled to do something together, nor does it count as the hobby you’re trying to cultivate. Nice try, though.
What are some ways you and your partner spend time together? Do you have mandatory date night? Sound off in the comment section!