It’s Funny Because it’s Sad

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Today has been a mixture of emotions. This was unexpected. I thought it would be pretty uneventful.

There is this energy in this house. I’ve felt it since the beginning and I think it’s left over energy from the previous owners. OR The Boyfriend’s past. It’s a toss up, really. All those X-box games he plays?

Probably have ties to the occult.

I’m kidding.

In all seriousness, things have been off. Not just with the flow of the everyday routine in the house, but in my life in general.  I’ve been reading this book and every paragraph is like a punch in the face. I know this sounds cliche and total white girl, but that book? It’s like it was written just for me.

I was interrupted from reading the book to take a NOT SO NICE phone call. It was a classic WTF scenario. Without going into detail,  it all boils down to no good deed goes unpunished.  In minutes, I was back to feeling like crap, scum really, and I found myself asking, “What is the point in even trying?”

That’s when I picked up the book again and the first thing I read after taking that call was this:

“When taking great leaps forward, life often turns to shit before it turns to Shinola.” *

I was ready to give up and go back to that place of self doubt and the feelings of not deserving all the good life has to offer when those words yelled at me from the page.

Feeling motivated, I took out that sage and started cleansing the house. I want to get rid of whatever this icky energy is. I feel it in certain areas of the house and whenever I mention it to The Boyfriend, he gives me that look that says “Here she goes again with more crazy.”

I have no idea if I’m doing this sage thing right. Actually,  I have no idea what the HELL I’m doing. I keep going back to my friend’s voice who gave me the sage over two years ago, “It’s all about the intention. You’ll use this when you’re ready.” 

I didn’t wake up today thinking I was going to get that phone call or that I would even start reading that book. I certainly didn’t think I would cry today.

I also didn’t think that decisions- decisions that I didn’t realize even needed to be decided- would be firmly implanted in my head and give me such a sense of peace that I almost believe things are starting to look up.


*You Are a Bad Ass by Jen Sincero, page 45

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