This is Us


Him: We use way too much Internet data a month.

Me: That’s not me. I only use the Wi-Fi.


Me: What if I got a writing gig in which I reviewed porn movies?

The Boyfriend: What?

Me: There are people who get paid to review porn movies.

The Boyfriend: What? Review porn movies?

Me: Yes. What do you think? Like you’d have this girlfriend who would be reviewing porn for cash.

The Boyfriend: You’d have to watch an entire porn movie to be able to review it.

Me: Yes. I would be fair and diligent in my reviewing of porn. I’m asking what would you think? Someone would ask you what your girlfriend does and you’d have to tell them, “Oh she reviews movies. PORN movies.”

The Boyfriend: Do you even want to review porn or is this line of questioning just to annoy me and prevent me from watching TV?

Me: So you’re saying I can’t review porn?

The Boyfriend: Do you want to review porn?

Me: Don’t answer my question with a question.

The Boyfriend: This is the stupidest conversation I have ever had with you since the last stupidest conversation you subjected me to. We both know you’re not going to watch porn and review it just so you can say you write reviews of porn movies.

Me: But I could.

The Boyfriend: But you won’t.

Me: Because I don’t want to to do it and it isn’t because you said I won’t. I never wanted to review porn to begin with.

The Boyfriend: Please stop talking.




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